Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system.
Need grain?
Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms
up!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil.How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable ! It's
the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Apnaa Hyderabaad :)
Yaad Karo apne Hyderabad ko........7 samundar par se
yaad karo woh din aur raat.........
Woh Allahamdullilah ki biryani, woh Diamond ki chai,
Woh Radhey Shyaam ki pani puri, woh chit chat ki chaat,
Woh Softy ki ice cream, Wah usme thi kuch baat.
Woh Pulla Reddy ki mithai, woh Kamat ka dosa,
Woh Gokul ki pav bhaji aur Ramser ka samosa.
Woh local bus ka 'suffer', woh Tank Bund ki hawa,
Woh dutch roses ke kante aur Lumbini Park ka samaa.
Woh december ki zara si sardi, woh baarishon ke mahiney,
Woh garmi ki chuttiyan, jab chute te thea paseeney.
Woh Ramzan ki Haleem,woh paradise ki biryani,
Woh holi ki masti,aur navratri ka dandia.
Woh necklace road ka mohol, woh Gandipet ki leheren,
Woh doobte suraj ka nazara, Waah uske kya kehene.
Woh Karachi Bakery ke biscut, woh Blue Sea ki chai,
Woh Garden(restaurant) ke lukmi biscuit, woh galliyon ka "rabdi malai".
Woh bachpan ki yaaden, woh gotion kaa khel,
Woh Indira Park ki jhaadiyan, jahaa hothey they mel.
Woh Minerva ka pop corn aur Shoppers Stop mein shopping,
Woh James Street ka nazara aur Ameer pet ki building.
Woh Sangeet cinema ke queue, woh black ki pink ticket,
Woh Parade ka maidan, jahan bachche practice karte hain cricket.
Itni cheezen kehene ke baad, aur kitna karoon mein abaad,
Yeh shehar hain mera apna, jiska naam hai H Y D E R A B A A D!!!!!!!!
yaad karo woh din aur raat.........
Woh Allahamdullilah ki biryani, woh Diamond ki chai,
Woh Radhey Shyaam ki pani puri, woh chit chat ki chaat,
Woh Softy ki ice cream, Wah usme thi kuch baat.
Woh Pulla Reddy ki mithai, woh Kamat ka dosa,
Woh Gokul ki pav bhaji aur Ramser ka samosa.
Woh local bus ka 'suffer', woh Tank Bund ki hawa,
Woh dutch roses ke kante aur Lumbini Park ka samaa.
Woh december ki zara si sardi, woh baarishon ke mahiney,
Woh garmi ki chuttiyan, jab chute te thea paseeney.
Woh Ramzan ki Haleem,woh paradise ki biryani,
Woh holi ki masti,aur navratri ka dandia.
Woh necklace road ka mohol, woh Gandipet ki leheren,
Woh doobte suraj ka nazara, Waah uske kya kehene.
Woh Karachi Bakery ke biscut, woh Blue Sea ki chai,
Woh Garden(restaurant) ke lukmi biscuit, woh galliyon ka "rabdi malai".
Woh bachpan ki yaaden, woh gotion kaa khel,
Woh Indira Park ki jhaadiyan, jahaa hothey they mel.
Woh Minerva ka pop corn aur Shoppers Stop mein shopping,
Woh James Street ka nazara aur Ameer pet ki building.
Woh Sangeet cinema ke queue, woh black ki pink ticket,
Woh Parade ka maidan, jahan bachche practice karte hain cricket.
Itni cheezen kehene ke baad, aur kitna karoon mein abaad,
Yeh shehar hain mera apna, jiska naam hai H Y D E R A B A A D!!!!!!!!
Leave Applications
Infos, B'lore: An employee applied for leave as follows:"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife,pleasesanction me one week leave."
Ole, B'lore: From an employee who was performing the"mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
Another gem from DAC: Leaveletter from an employee who was performing hisdaughter's wedding:"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
From L Administration Dept:"As my motherinlaw has expired and I am only one responsible for it, pleasegrant me 10 daysleave."
Another employee applied for half dayleave as follows:"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at10oclock and I may not return,please grant me halfday casual leave"
An incident of a leaveletter:"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
A leave letter to the headmaster:"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I requestyouto leave me today"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
Covering note:"I am enclosedherewith..."
Another one:"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home Imay be granted leave."
Letter writing: "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
Ole, B'lore: From an employee who was performing the"mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
Another gem from DAC: Leaveletter from an employee who was performing hisdaughter's wedding:"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
From L Administration Dept:"As my motherinlaw has expired and I am only one responsible for it, pleasegrant me 10 daysleave."
Another employee applied for half dayleave as follows:"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at10oclock and I may not return,please grant me halfday casual leave"
An incident of a leaveletter:"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
A leave letter to the headmaster:"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I requestyouto leave me today"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
Covering note:"I am enclosedherewith..."
Another one:"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home Imay be granted leave."
Letter writing: "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Laugh It Out!!!
It all depends on your perspective ...
An English professor wrote the words "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.
The male students wrote:
"Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The female students wrote:
"Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Husband : U know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
---------------------------------------------------
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"Watch the wall!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did." he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
At a silver wedding anniversary, the husband was standing in one corner looking very sad.
"What's the matter?" asked his friend.
"Well, a week after marriage, I got fed up and wanted to kill my wife, but my lawyer said that I would get 25 years imprisonment. Now I realize that today I would have been a free man."
----------------------------------------------------------
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man..
-----------------------------------------------
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied : "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
-------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
-------------------------------------------------
This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife pass the sugar, Honey. and pass the honey, Sugar. Inspired by this, the next morning at breakfast with his wife, he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig
-----------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. And the husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it.
-----------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, It really works!
An English professor wrote the words "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.
The male students wrote:
"Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The female students wrote:
"Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Husband : U know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
---------------------------------------------------
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"Watch the wall!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did." he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
At a silver wedding anniversary, the husband was standing in one corner looking very sad.
"What's the matter?" asked his friend.
"Well, a week after marriage, I got fed up and wanted to kill my wife, but my lawyer said that I would get 25 years imprisonment. Now I realize that today I would have been a free man."
----------------------------------------------------------
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man..
-----------------------------------------------
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied : "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
-------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
-------------------------------------------------
This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife pass the sugar, Honey. and pass the honey, Sugar. Inspired by this, the next morning at breakfast with his wife, he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig
-----------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. And the husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it.
-----------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, It really works!
Monday, November 20, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
$10,000 per call to heaven until...
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the
world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
"$10,000 per call".
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by
what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under
it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china
and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
he could talk to God.
"O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India
to see if Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there
was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One
Rupee per call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden
telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a
local call".
world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
"$10,000 per call".
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by
what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under
it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china
and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
he could talk to God.
"O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India
to see if Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there
was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One
Rupee per call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden
telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a
local call".
Monday, November 13, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A guy woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "Hey!!!!!!! Leave me alone! I'm married!"
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "Hey!!!!!!! Leave me alone! I'm married!"
Monday, October 16, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Mind You....no offence!!!
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
No wonder men are happier!
Your last name stays put.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
One mood all the time.
Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all of your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
One mood all the time.
Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all of your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
AUTOMATIC MESSAGES
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will
reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just
ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification
because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have
received anything at
all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors
having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread,
worthless emails you send
me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be
patient and your mail
will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has
been charged $5.99 for
the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional
word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your
computer and try
sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you
return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to
receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.
9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that
you got this message.
I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.
Please wait by your
PC for my response.
11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new
job. Don't bother to
leave me any messages.
12: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks
for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as
'Loretta' instead of
'Steve'.
reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just
ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification
because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have
received anything at
all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors
having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread,
worthless emails you send
me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be
patient and your mail
will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has
been charged $5.99 for
the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional
word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your
computer and try
sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you
return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to
receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.
9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that
you got this message.
I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.
Please wait by your
PC for my response.
11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new
job. Don't bother to
leave me any messages.
12: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks
for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as
'Loretta' instead of
'Steve'.
What Do You Say?
Q. If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect,
then why practice?
Q. If you died with braces on your teeth, would they
take them off?
Q. If love is blind, then why do we believe at first
sight?
Q. Don't you find it worrying that doctor calls
treating you their "practice"?
Q. If you try to fall and succeed, what do you just
do?
Q. If a book about failures does not sell, is it a
success?
Q. Could someone ever get addicted to counseling and
if so how do you help them?
Q. If a chronic liar tells you he is chronic liar, do
you believe him?
Q. Why do the egg not taste like a chicken itself?
Q. What is the opposite of opposite?
Q. Why do you get in a bus and get into a car?
Q. Why do mattresses have designs on them when they
are always covered
with sheets?
Q. How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie
theatres?
Q. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hours?
Q. What is the male ladybug called?
Q. Why do we wash towels? Aren't we clean when we use
them?
Q. If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still
be consider a
bank robbery?
Q. Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same
thing?
Q. If you tell someone they are being judgmental,
aren't you being
judgmental yourself?
Q. If scientists were ever going to figure out how to
travel through
time, wouldn't we now be seeing people from the
future?
Q. Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Q. Why do they call them "apartments" when they are
all stuck together?
Q. You know that little indestructible black box that
is used on
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the
same substance?
Q. If you decide that you are indecisive, which one
you are?
answer these question.
do u have ans to these?
Q. Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Q. If its zero degree outside today and its supposed
to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how could is it going to be? (Since 2
times 0 =0)
Q. What do you say when someone says you're in denial,
but you're not?
Q. If you're born at exactly midnight, is your
birthday on both those days?
Q. Isn't its scary that the word "therapist" is the
same as the word
"the rapist" put together?
Q. Why do they call it your "bottom" when it's really
in the middle of
your body?
Q. What happen if you get scared half to death twice?
Q. Why is it called a "building" when it is already
build?
Q. On a mobile phone, why does A.B.C. start from on
the number 2 and not 1?
Q. Why do we say "bye bye" but don't "hi hi"?
then why practice?
Q. If you died with braces on your teeth, would they
take them off?
Q. If love is blind, then why do we believe at first
sight?
Q. Don't you find it worrying that doctor calls
treating you their "practice"?
Q. If you try to fall and succeed, what do you just
do?
Q. If a book about failures does not sell, is it a
success?
Q. Could someone ever get addicted to counseling and
if so how do you help them?
Q. If a chronic liar tells you he is chronic liar, do
you believe him?
Q. Why do the egg not taste like a chicken itself?
Q. What is the opposite of opposite?
Q. Why do you get in a bus and get into a car?
Q. Why do mattresses have designs on them when they
are always covered
with sheets?
Q. How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie
theatres?
Q. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hours?
Q. What is the male ladybug called?
Q. Why do we wash towels? Aren't we clean when we use
them?
Q. If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still
be consider a
bank robbery?
Q. Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same
thing?
Q. If you tell someone they are being judgmental,
aren't you being
judgmental yourself?
Q. If scientists were ever going to figure out how to
travel through
time, wouldn't we now be seeing people from the
future?
Q. Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Q. Why do they call them "apartments" when they are
all stuck together?
Q. You know that little indestructible black box that
is used on
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the
same substance?
Q. If you decide that you are indecisive, which one
you are?
answer these question.
do u have ans to these?
Q. Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Q. If its zero degree outside today and its supposed
to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how could is it going to be? (Since 2
times 0 =0)
Q. What do you say when someone says you're in denial,
but you're not?
Q. If you're born at exactly midnight, is your
birthday on both those days?
Q. Isn't its scary that the word "therapist" is the
same as the word
"the rapist" put together?
Q. Why do they call it your "bottom" when it's really
in the middle of
your body?
Q. What happen if you get scared half to death twice?
Q. Why is it called a "building" when it is already
build?
Q. On a mobile phone, why does A.B.C. start from on
the number 2 and not 1?
Q. Why do we say "bye bye" but don't "hi hi"?
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
What was that for?
What was that for...??
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man said "When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
"Your horse called up"
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man said "When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
"Your horse called up"
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Voted Women's Favorite...
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
" Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as the wife, and the wife woke as the husband. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M and he hurried to make the beds, did the laundry, vacuuming, dusting , and swept and mopped the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their home-work, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4: 30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said.........
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, You got pregnant last night."
" Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as the wife, and the wife woke as the husband. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M and he hurried to make the beds, did the laundry, vacuuming, dusting , and swept and mopped the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their home-work, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4: 30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said.........
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, You got pregnant last night."
Monday, August 28, 2006
Why CSRs are paid SO MUCH for talking on the phone???
1) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."
------------
----------------------------
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I
am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------
3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------
4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------
5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***
--------------------------------------------------
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####
--------------------------------------------------
7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------
8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
9).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------
10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need
to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
--------------------------------------------------
12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
--------------------------------------------------
The best of the lot
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The
tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech supports :( hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM <> at the
end of the
CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know
how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------
Height Of all (Too Good)
15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right
now and may I help u in
finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."
------------
----------------------------
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I
am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------
3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------
4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------
5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***
--------------------------------------------------
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####
--------------------------------------------------
7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------
8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
9).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------
10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need
to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
--------------------------------------------------
12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
--------------------------------------------------
The best of the lot
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The
tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech supports :( hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM <> at the
end of the
CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know
how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------
Height Of all (Too Good)
15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right
now and may I help u in
finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
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