Some laws Newton forgot !!!

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have
left will start to move faster than the one you are in
now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number,
you never get an engaged one.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become
coated with grease,ur nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll
to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late
for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning
you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the
telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone
you know increases when you are with someone you don't
want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest
from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of
hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something
which will last until the coffee is cold.

Ultimate truth > (Uncanny-but true !)

> Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

> To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

> The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

>Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

>In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

>All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

>Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

>Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.

>If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

>You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

>Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

>As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

>He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

>If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.

>Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

>When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

>If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.

>Especially for engg. Students---- 
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

>You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

>The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

>After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

>If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

>Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker 

Banned from WAL MART

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to  Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and  preferred to get in and out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse.

Yesterday  my dear wife  received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.......

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months , your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at  5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to  the  women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began c rying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it  as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11 October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed  through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least:

  15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet pa per in here!"

Regards,

Tom Richards

Manager, Wal-Mart Superstore Erie