A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
" Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as the wife, and the wife woke as the husband. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M and he hurried to make the beds, did the laundry, vacuuming, dusting , and swept and mopped the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their home-work, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4: 30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said.........
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, You got pregnant last night."
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Why CSRs are paid SO MUCH for talking on the phone???
1) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."
------------
----------------------------
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I
am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------
3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------
4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------
5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***
--------------------------------------------------
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####
--------------------------------------------------
7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------
8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
9).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------
10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need
to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
--------------------------------------------------
12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
--------------------------------------------------
The best of the lot
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The
tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech supports :( hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM <> at the
end of the
CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know
how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------
Height Of all (Too Good)
15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right
now and may I help u in
finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."
------------
----------------------------
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I
am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------
3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------
4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------
5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***
--------------------------------------------------
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####
--------------------------------------------------
7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------
8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
9).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------
10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need
to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
--------------------------------------------------
12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're
open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
--------------------------------------------------
The best of the lot
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to
report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the
startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The
tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech supports :( hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM <> at the
end of the
CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know
how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------
Height Of all (Too Good)
15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number right
now and may I help u in
finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani
1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
3. You are Always
standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.
6. You recycle Wedding Gifts , Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.
7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)
8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"
10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
11. You load up the family car with as many people as
possible.
12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and Aunties" will think.
14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used , as it is for special occasions, which never happen.
15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen
table.
16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as
possible.
18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )
19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. ( And they prefer it that way).
23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
27. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty."
30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few
minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
33. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
3. You are Always
standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.
6. You recycle Wedding Gifts , Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.
7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)
8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"
10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.
11. You load up the family car with as many people as
possible.
12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles and Aunties" will think.
14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used , as it is for special occasions, which never happen.
15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen
table.
16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as
possible.
18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )
19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. ( And they prefer it that way).
23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
27. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty."
30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few
minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
33. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
10 most stupid Q n' A
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over
here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed
high-heeled shoes steps on
your feet...
Stupid Question:
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:
No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't
you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:
Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:
Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occassionaly also
spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt
meets you after
years...
Stupid Question:
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:
Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:
No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive
lout...it's just the
money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone
call...
Stupid Question:
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:
No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in
Africa marry or
not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted
moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently
shorter hair...
Stupid Question:
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:
No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects
in your mouth...
Stupid Question:
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:
No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman
asks...
Stupid Question:
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:
Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk
and now it's in
flames!!!
Stupid Question:
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over
here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed
high-heeled shoes steps on
your feet...
Stupid Question:
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:
No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't
you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:
Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:
Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occassionaly also
spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt
meets you after
years...
Stupid Question:
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:
Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:
No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive
lout...it's just the
money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone
call...
Stupid Question:
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:
No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in
Africa marry or
not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted
moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently
shorter hair...
Stupid Question:
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:
No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects
in your mouth...
Stupid Question:
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:
No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman
asks...
Stupid Question:
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:
Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk
and now it's in
flames!!!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Indian Sales Man
The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"
The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in
India."
Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him
the job. "You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we
close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through
it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."
The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our
sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you
want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better
than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale
for?"
Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"
Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sell him small
fishhook.
Then I sell him medium fishhook.
Then I sell him large fishhook.
Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said
down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a
boat, so we went down to the boating department and I
sell him twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would
pull it, so I took him down to our automotive
department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.
I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he
had no accommodation, I took him to camping department
and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper
tents.
Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw
in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of
beer.
The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here
to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck
and a tent?"
Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."
The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in
India."
Well, the boss liked the Indian chappie so he gave him
the job. "You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we
close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through
it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."
The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our
sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day." If you
want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better
than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale
for?"
Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"
Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sell him small
fishhook.
Then I sell him medium fishhook.
Then I sell him large fishhook.
Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I ask him where he's going fishing and he said
down on the coast, so I told him he'll be needing a
boat, so we went down to the boating department and I
sell him twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would
pull it, so I took him down to our automotive
department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.
I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he
had no accommodation, I took him to camping department
and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper
tents.
Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw
in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of
beer.
The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here
to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck
and a tent?"
Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."
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