1: I am currently out at a job interview and will
reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just
ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification
because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have
received anything at
all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors
having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread,
worthless emails you send
me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be
patient and your mail
will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has
been charged $5.99 for
the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional
word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your
computer and try
sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you
return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to
receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.
9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that
you got this message.
I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.
Please wait by your
PC for my response.
11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new
job. Don't bother to
leave me any messages.
12: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks
for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as
'Loretta' instead of
'Steve'.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
What Do You Say?
Q. If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect,
then why practice?
Q. If you died with braces on your teeth, would they
take them off?
Q. If love is blind, then why do we believe at first
sight?
Q. Don't you find it worrying that doctor calls
treating you their "practice"?
Q. If you try to fall and succeed, what do you just
do?
Q. If a book about failures does not sell, is it a
success?
Q. Could someone ever get addicted to counseling and
if so how do you help them?
Q. If a chronic liar tells you he is chronic liar, do
you believe him?
Q. Why do the egg not taste like a chicken itself?
Q. What is the opposite of opposite?
Q. Why do you get in a bus and get into a car?
Q. Why do mattresses have designs on them when they
are always covered
with sheets?
Q. How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie
theatres?
Q. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hours?
Q. What is the male ladybug called?
Q. Why do we wash towels? Aren't we clean when we use
them?
Q. If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still
be consider a
bank robbery?
Q. Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same
thing?
Q. If you tell someone they are being judgmental,
aren't you being
judgmental yourself?
Q. If scientists were ever going to figure out how to
travel through
time, wouldn't we now be seeing people from the
future?
Q. Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Q. Why do they call them "apartments" when they are
all stuck together?
Q. You know that little indestructible black box that
is used on
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the
same substance?
Q. If you decide that you are indecisive, which one
you are?
answer these question.
do u have ans to these?
Q. Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Q. If its zero degree outside today and its supposed
to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how could is it going to be? (Since 2
times 0 =0)
Q. What do you say when someone says you're in denial,
but you're not?
Q. If you're born at exactly midnight, is your
birthday on both those days?
Q. Isn't its scary that the word "therapist" is the
same as the word
"the rapist" put together?
Q. Why do they call it your "bottom" when it's really
in the middle of
your body?
Q. What happen if you get scared half to death twice?
Q. Why is it called a "building" when it is already
build?
Q. On a mobile phone, why does A.B.C. start from on
the number 2 and not 1?
Q. Why do we say "bye bye" but don't "hi hi"?
then why practice?
Q. If you died with braces on your teeth, would they
take them off?
Q. If love is blind, then why do we believe at first
sight?
Q. Don't you find it worrying that doctor calls
treating you their "practice"?
Q. If you try to fall and succeed, what do you just
do?
Q. If a book about failures does not sell, is it a
success?
Q. Could someone ever get addicted to counseling and
if so how do you help them?
Q. If a chronic liar tells you he is chronic liar, do
you believe him?
Q. Why do the egg not taste like a chicken itself?
Q. What is the opposite of opposite?
Q. Why do you get in a bus and get into a car?
Q. Why do mattresses have designs on them when they
are always covered
with sheets?
Q. How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie
theatres?
Q. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hours?
Q. What is the male ladybug called?
Q. Why do we wash towels? Aren't we clean when we use
them?
Q. If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still
be consider a
bank robbery?
Q. Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same
thing?
Q. If you tell someone they are being judgmental,
aren't you being
judgmental yourself?
Q. If scientists were ever going to figure out how to
travel through
time, wouldn't we now be seeing people from the
future?
Q. Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Q. Why do they call them "apartments" when they are
all stuck together?
Q. You know that little indestructible black box that
is used on
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the
same substance?
Q. If you decide that you are indecisive, which one
you are?
answer these question.
do u have ans to these?
Q. Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Q. If its zero degree outside today and its supposed
to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how could is it going to be? (Since 2
times 0 =0)
Q. What do you say when someone says you're in denial,
but you're not?
Q. If you're born at exactly midnight, is your
birthday on both those days?
Q. Isn't its scary that the word "therapist" is the
same as the word
"the rapist" put together?
Q. Why do they call it your "bottom" when it's really
in the middle of
your body?
Q. What happen if you get scared half to death twice?
Q. Why is it called a "building" when it is already
build?
Q. On a mobile phone, why does A.B.C. start from on
the number 2 and not 1?
Q. Why do we say "bye bye" but don't "hi hi"?
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
What was that for?
What was that for...??
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man said "When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
"Your horse called up"
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man said "When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
"Your horse called up"
Thursday, September 07, 2006
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