As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."
Friday, February 09, 2007
Photography
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!"
The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."
After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean, you're not my instructor?"
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!"
The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."
After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean, you're not my instructor?"
Job Candidate
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yes, but you started it."
The Engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yes, but you started it."
Invitation Replies To A Scientist's Ball
Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Dr. Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archemedes buoyant at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orwell could get a flight.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Dr. Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archemedes buoyant at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orwell could get a flight.
Kid's Wise Words
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13
6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13
7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11
9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14
10. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
- Mitchell, 12
11. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9
12. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9
13. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9
14. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- Kellie, 11
15. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15
16. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9
17. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
18. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13
19. Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8
- Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13
6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13
7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11
9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14
10. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
- Mitchell, 12
11. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9
12. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9
13. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9
14. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- Kellie, 11
15. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15
16. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9
17. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
18. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13
19. Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?!!!!!!!!!
Put about 100 bricks in some exacting order in a closed room with an open
window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the
situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them.. Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in
engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in
planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information
technology.
If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has
been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the
situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them.. Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in
engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in
planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information
technology.
If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has
been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Killing Resolutions of New Year :)
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system.
Need grain?
Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms
up!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil.How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable ! It's
the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system.
Need grain?
Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms
up!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil.How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable ! It's
the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Apnaa Hyderabaad :)
Yaad Karo apne Hyderabad ko........7 samundar par se
yaad karo woh din aur raat.........
Woh Allahamdullilah ki biryani, woh Diamond ki chai,
Woh Radhey Shyaam ki pani puri, woh chit chat ki chaat,
Woh Softy ki ice cream, Wah usme thi kuch baat.
Woh Pulla Reddy ki mithai, woh Kamat ka dosa,
Woh Gokul ki pav bhaji aur Ramser ka samosa.
Woh local bus ka 'suffer', woh Tank Bund ki hawa,
Woh dutch roses ke kante aur Lumbini Park ka samaa.
Woh december ki zara si sardi, woh baarishon ke mahiney,
Woh garmi ki chuttiyan, jab chute te thea paseeney.
Woh Ramzan ki Haleem,woh paradise ki biryani,
Woh holi ki masti,aur navratri ka dandia.
Woh necklace road ka mohol, woh Gandipet ki leheren,
Woh doobte suraj ka nazara, Waah uske kya kehene.
Woh Karachi Bakery ke biscut, woh Blue Sea ki chai,
Woh Garden(restaurant) ke lukmi biscuit, woh galliyon ka "rabdi malai".
Woh bachpan ki yaaden, woh gotion kaa khel,
Woh Indira Park ki jhaadiyan, jahaa hothey they mel.
Woh Minerva ka pop corn aur Shoppers Stop mein shopping,
Woh James Street ka nazara aur Ameer pet ki building.
Woh Sangeet cinema ke queue, woh black ki pink ticket,
Woh Parade ka maidan, jahan bachche practice karte hain cricket.
Itni cheezen kehene ke baad, aur kitna karoon mein abaad,
Yeh shehar hain mera apna, jiska naam hai H Y D E R A B A A D!!!!!!!!
yaad karo woh din aur raat.........
Woh Allahamdullilah ki biryani, woh Diamond ki chai,
Woh Radhey Shyaam ki pani puri, woh chit chat ki chaat,
Woh Softy ki ice cream, Wah usme thi kuch baat.
Woh Pulla Reddy ki mithai, woh Kamat ka dosa,
Woh Gokul ki pav bhaji aur Ramser ka samosa.
Woh local bus ka 'suffer', woh Tank Bund ki hawa,
Woh dutch roses ke kante aur Lumbini Park ka samaa.
Woh december ki zara si sardi, woh baarishon ke mahiney,
Woh garmi ki chuttiyan, jab chute te thea paseeney.
Woh Ramzan ki Haleem,woh paradise ki biryani,
Woh holi ki masti,aur navratri ka dandia.
Woh necklace road ka mohol, woh Gandipet ki leheren,
Woh doobte suraj ka nazara, Waah uske kya kehene.
Woh Karachi Bakery ke biscut, woh Blue Sea ki chai,
Woh Garden(restaurant) ke lukmi biscuit, woh galliyon ka "rabdi malai".
Woh bachpan ki yaaden, woh gotion kaa khel,
Woh Indira Park ki jhaadiyan, jahaa hothey they mel.
Woh Minerva ka pop corn aur Shoppers Stop mein shopping,
Woh James Street ka nazara aur Ameer pet ki building.
Woh Sangeet cinema ke queue, woh black ki pink ticket,
Woh Parade ka maidan, jahan bachche practice karte hain cricket.
Itni cheezen kehene ke baad, aur kitna karoon mein abaad,
Yeh shehar hain mera apna, jiska naam hai H Y D E R A B A A D!!!!!!!!
Leave Applications
Infos, B'lore: An employee applied for leave as follows:"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife,pleasesanction me one week leave."
Ole, B'lore: From an employee who was performing the"mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
Another gem from DAC: Leaveletter from an employee who was performing hisdaughter's wedding:"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
From L Administration Dept:"As my motherinlaw has expired and I am only one responsible for it, pleasegrant me 10 daysleave."
Another employee applied for half dayleave as follows:"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at10oclock and I may not return,please grant me halfday casual leave"
An incident of a leaveletter:"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
A leave letter to the headmaster:"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I requestyouto leave me today"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
Covering note:"I am enclosedherewith..."
Another one:"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home Imay be granted leave."
Letter writing: "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
Ole, B'lore: From an employee who was performing the"mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
Another gem from DAC: Leaveletter from an employee who was performing hisdaughter's wedding:"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
From L Administration Dept:"As my motherinlaw has expired and I am only one responsible for it, pleasegrant me 10 daysleave."
Another employee applied for half dayleave as follows:"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at10oclock and I may not return,please grant me halfday casual leave"
An incident of a leaveletter:"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
A leave letter to the headmaster:"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I requestyouto leave me today"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
Covering note:"I am enclosedherewith..."
Another one:"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home Imay be granted leave."
Letter writing: "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Laugh It Out!!!
It all depends on your perspective ...
An English professor wrote the words "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.
The male students wrote:
"Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The female students wrote:
"Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Husband : U know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
---------------------------------------------------
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"Watch the wall!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did." he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
At a silver wedding anniversary, the husband was standing in one corner looking very sad.
"What's the matter?" asked his friend.
"Well, a week after marriage, I got fed up and wanted to kill my wife, but my lawyer said that I would get 25 years imprisonment. Now I realize that today I would have been a free man."
----------------------------------------------------------
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man..
-----------------------------------------------
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied : "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
-------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
-------------------------------------------------
This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife pass the sugar, Honey. and pass the honey, Sugar. Inspired by this, the next morning at breakfast with his wife, he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig
-----------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. And the husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it.
-----------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, It really works!
An English professor wrote the words "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.
The male students wrote:
"Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The female students wrote:
"Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Husband : U know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
---------------------------------------------------
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"Watch the wall!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did." he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
At a silver wedding anniversary, the husband was standing in one corner looking very sad.
"What's the matter?" asked his friend.
"Well, a week after marriage, I got fed up and wanted to kill my wife, but my lawyer said that I would get 25 years imprisonment. Now I realize that today I would have been a free man."
----------------------------------------------------------
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man..
-----------------------------------------------
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied : "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
-------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
-------------------------------------------------
This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife pass the sugar, Honey. and pass the honey, Sugar. Inspired by this, the next morning at breakfast with his wife, he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig
-----------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. And the husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it.
-----------------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, It really works!
Monday, November 20, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
$10,000 per call to heaven until...
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the
world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
"$10,000 per call".
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by
what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under
it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china
and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
he could talk to God.
"O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India
to see if Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there
was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One
Rupee per call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden
telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a
local call".
world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
"$10,000 per call".
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by
what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under
it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china
and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
he could talk to God.
"O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India
to see if Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there
was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One
Rupee per call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden
telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a
local call".
Monday, November 13, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk - PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A guy woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "Hey!!!!!!! Leave me alone! I'm married!"
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "Hey!!!!!!! Leave me alone! I'm married!"
Monday, October 16, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Mind You....no offence!!!
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
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