AUTOMATIC MESSAGES

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will
reply to you if I fail
to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just
ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification
because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have
received anything at
all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors
having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread,
worthless emails you send
me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be
patient and your mail
will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has
been charged $5.99 for
the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional
word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server
connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your
computer and try
sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you
return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added
to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to
receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that
you got this message.
I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.
Please wait by your
PC for my response.

11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new
job. Don't bother to
leave me any messages.

12: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks
for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as
'Loretta' instead of
'Steve'.