As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."
Friday, February 09, 2007
Photography
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!"
The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."
After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean, you're not my instructor?"
The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!"
The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes."
"Why?" asked the nervous pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."
After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean, you're not my instructor?"
Job Candidate
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yes, but you started it."
The Engineer replied, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yes, but you started it."
Invitation Replies To A Scientist's Ball
Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Dr. Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archemedes buoyant at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orwell could get a flight.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Dr. Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archemedes buoyant at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orwell could get a flight.
Kid's Wise Words
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13
6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13
7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11
9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14
10. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
- Mitchell, 12
11. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9
12. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9
13. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9
14. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- Kellie, 11
15. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15
16. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9
17. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
18. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13
19. Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8
- Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
- Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robert, 13
6. Don't squat with your spurs on.
- Noronha, 13
7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11
9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
- Traci, 14
10. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers.
- Mitchell, 12
11. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9
12. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9
13. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 9
14. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- Kellie, 11
15. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Naomi, 15
16. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9
17. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
18. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
- Alyesha, 13
19. Never try to baptize a cat.
- Eileen, 8
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?!!!!!!!!!
Put about 100 bricks in some exacting order in a closed room with an open
window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the
situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them.. Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in
engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in
planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information
technology.
If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has
been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the
situation.
If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them.. Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in
engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in
planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information
technology.
If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has
been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
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